Start Healing the Shame That Binds You

Managing Shame and Doubt 

We are social creatures. The heart of our desires is connection. Connection and social gatherings are a huge part of our lives.

However, some of us have been taught that we are not worthy of connection. As a result, a deep-seated fear of disconnection sprouts in our chest. So, what does this shame and doubt come from?

For some, shame is that fear of not being worthy of human connection. Shame is feeling as if we are not worthy of good things- even love. 

To add, many of us carry around secrets. Past events, characteristics, and truths that we hide behind our smile. Secrets are fashioned into the nooks and crannies of our life.

So, why do we hide them? Well, the shame may tell you that if someone knows this about me, they won’t want me. I won’t be desirable. I won’t be worthy of love and care. Because, deep down some of us think that we aren’t good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough. Funny enough. Successful enough. 

Furthermore, that feeling of not being good enough is not true. It was created when our fear of disconnect met unkindness, abuse, neglect, and other actions from others.

These actions told us that we aren’t worthy of love. That is a lie. This shame and feeling of unworthiness is not born from our truth. It may have been taught by how others treated us in the past. 

You have the power to write a new chapter full of love and connection. The tool that ignites that power is vulnerability. You can work towards healing the shame that binds you. 

How can vulnerability help me turn away from shame and walk towards worthiness?

Shame and doubt shrinks us. It hides us from others and the world. In hiding parts of ourselves that we deem as unlovable and ugly we hide all of ourselves. 

And, we hide the very things that are necessary to form strong connections with others. Sharing parts of ourselves is a prerequisite for deep connections.  Also, in turning away from parts of ourselves we disconnect from ourselves. 

Vulnerability allows us to be seen by others, the world, and ourselves. Vulnerability leads us to say I am worthy. Vulnerability leads us to say I deserve to take up space in this life. 

And, vulnerability allows us to stand up and say I deserve to belong and to be loved. When we state these words and show up in an authentic way we begin to believe in our worthiness.

When we are vulnerable and show up authentically, we attract the love, connection, and belonging we crave. Vulnerability is a necessary step in healing the shame that binds you.  

Why do I have so much difficulty in being vulnerable and letting go of shame?

Honestly, many of us numb vulnerability and uncomfortable emotions. Numbing makes us feel safe for a little while. However, numbing allows the wound to fester. 

We numb being rejected. We can numb by filling our time and focusing on buying things, binge watching Netflix, eating, drinking, and more. Sometimes we strive to be perfect. All of these in excess breeds shame. It starts a vicious cycle of disconnection and shame. 

The issue is that we cannot just numb the emotions that make us feel bad. When we numb, we numb good emotions too! We numb connection, love, and joy. 

Being vulnerable, feeling those emotions, and learning to love ourselves despite what we deem to be bad in us will allow us to let go of shame.

So, how do I leave behind shame while embracing vulnerability and authenticity?

Truthfully, people that feel a deep sense of worthiness are often compassionate towards themselves. Let us unpack what I mean by showing compassion towards ourselves. Deep self-compassion promotes being kind to ourselves first and then to others. 

Maybe you pride yourself on being the mom friend or being the helper. That is a wonderful characteristic and a strength of yours. However, we must love ourselves to leave room to love others deeply. In other words, we cannot pour from an empty cup. You deserve the compassion and love that you give to others. 

Also, we must have the courage to tell our stories. Show the imperfections. Connection requires us to tell our stories and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. 

You could start by practicing with your most trusted family member, partner, or friend. Then, you can take the leap and grasp onto courage by telling more and more people your story. 

Finally, through telling our stories and practicing self-compassion we can learn to let go of our ideal selves. A deep connection to ourselves requires us to let go of who we think we should be and embrace who we are. 

Once we embrace who we are we will show up to our life authentically. Authenticity is a necessary step in healing the shame that binds you. That authenticity will act as a magnet for those that are attracted to our real selves.

Growgood has a team of therapists that are here to support you as you develop self-compassion and worth.

If you need additional support, growgood psychology is here to help you love with your whole heart and feel all that this life has to offer. When you throw out shame and doubt you open your heart to all the good things in life!

Connection, joy, gratitude, and more are waiting for you. Cross the threshold and write a new chapter by calling us today.