Perfectionism and Anxiety
How to love yourself when you have perfectionism and anxiety
Do you feel like you need to be perfect in many aspects of your life?
Do you work yourself to the point that your body and mind pays for it?
Do you need to feel like you are accomplished and working towards something to be satisfied?
If any of this resonates with you you may be struggling with perfectionism and anxiety.
Why do I struggle with perfectionism and anxiety?
Our late-stage capitalist society tells us that we must be constantly moving and shaking to be a success. Society suggests that our worth is determined by our productivity level. This toxic messaging may influence us as we develop and mold us into people that chase perfection.
The high expectations of your parents may have shown you that you need to excel. Low self-esteem and the need to feel in control can lead you to a path of perfectionism. The cultural expectations and/or highly critical people may have had a hand in your need to be perfect.
I am here to tell you that your worth is not determined by your productivity. Perfection cannot buy self-worth. Luckily, it doesn’t have to because you are always worthy. You have the power to own that worthiness and live your life the way YOU want to.
What are the signs and symptoms of perfectionism?
You may be a perfectionist if you feel like you will fail before you even start. Perfectionists tend to have a fear of failure and are fixated on that fear. You may experience an onslaught of thoughts that are rooted in your fear of not being perfect.
You may be a perfectionist if you procrastinate. You may procrastinate because you don’t believe that you will do a task perfectly. You may become immobilized by your fear of failure and avoid tasks. When we become immobilized and/or avoidant our anxiety grows and starts a vicious cycle.
You may be a perfectionist if you set unrealistic standards and goals. It is healthy to set goals for ourselves. That is how we grow!
However, perfectionists set unrealistic goals that cannot be reached. Then, when a perfectionist fails negative and highly critical self-talk sets in.
You may be a perfectionist if you are highly critical of yourself. Often, a perfectionist’s field of vision is filled with their imperfections and failures. They hone in on what went wrong and play a broken record that speaks of their mistakes.
You may be a perfectionist if you struggle with low self-esteem and anxiety. The onslaught of negative thoughts and harsh judgements hurt our self-esteem.
Often, perfectionists begin with a low self-esteem due to highly critical parents, high demands, and more. So, adding on those negative beliefs and judgements about ourselves further lowers our self-esteem.
What is the difference between a high-achiever and a perfectionist?
A high achiever sets high goals and works diligently to meet them. A perfectionist does the same. The main difference is that a high achiever is satisfied with the work they do despite not reaching the goal.
On the other hand, a perfectionist is not satisfied with almost perfect. A perfectionist lives with all-or-nothing thinking that leads to exhaustion.
High achievers are fueled by their desire to reach their goals. Perfectionists are fueled by their fear of failure and not reaching their goals.
How can I heal from perfectionism and anxiety?
Recognize the signs, symptoms, and triggers. What symptoms of perfectionism tend to creep up when you are challenged by your triggers? Maybe you procrastinate when a deadline is approaching because you are afraid of botching the project.
Maybe you set unreachable goals in your work life and work yourself to exhaustion. Identifying our symptoms and triggers help us navigate our challenges and lead calmer lives.
Meet yourself with compassion instead of shame. My mother always said that shame is our kryptonite. I wholeheartedly subscribe to that belief.
Shaming ourselves results in a cycle of harsh criticism and worsening symptoms. Meeting ourselves with compassion and the desire to want better for ourselves fuels positive change.
Saying ‘You deserve time off of work to be present with your family and enjoy life’ is empowering. My all time favorite is ‘You are not on this Earth to be perfect and overwork yourself. You deserve happiness.’
Challenge harmful beliefs and self talk that fuel your perfectionism. What beliefs do you hold that sets your perfectionism ablaze? Maybe you feel as if you must work hard and be perfect to be accepted by others.
Then, evaluate this belief and decide if it is one you would like to keep or throw out. You have the power to shift to beliefs that support you in combating your perfectionism and anxiety.
Next time you feel your perfectionism creep up, evaluate your self talk. Maybe self criticism and the need to please others reaches a peak. Then, ask yourself what you could say to counter that negative self talk.
growgood psychology has a team of therapists that strive to help you kick your perfectionism to the curb and manage your anxiety
We are dedicated to help you discard your highly self critical thoughts. We can help you replace your negative thoughts with compassionate and empowering self talk.
Also, we help you identify coping skills that will help you eliminate the hold perfectionism and anxiety has on you. We are here to be a partner that supports you in your journey and empowers you to achieve inner peace. At Grow Good Psychology you can learn how to love yourself and live your life the way you want to.
Finally, connect with us now to begin the healing process and embrace growth with our anxiety therapists!