How to Support Someone with Anxiety
How to Support Someone with Anxiety
“I don’t know how to help them with their anxiety- I feel like a failure.”
Supporting a loved one who is struggling with anxiety can be challenging, especially if you’ve never experienced it before. Anxiety is common in many people, but not everyone will experience it in the same way. For some, their anxiety might show up as physical symptoms in their body, such as tension or stomach aches. For others, it might show up as a less-visible symptom, such as an inability to stop worrying or difficulty sleeping. Because anxiety can show up differently for everyone, it’s not always the easiest to know how to support them. Regardless of how it shows up, anxiety is real and it can be exhausting. But what do you do if you’re not the one struggling with anxiety, but instead you’re the one that is watching it affect a loved one? What can you do to support them?
What can I do?
Support can look different for everyone, so don’t think you have to get it perfect! Also, supporting someone doesn’t mean you’re responsible for “fixing” them- your loved ones aren’t projects, so (thankfully) the pressure isn’t on you to “cure” them! With that in mind, here’s a list of some ways to start supporting your loved one:
Don’t dismiss them or their anxiety. Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t a real, lived experience for them. For those who struggle with anxiety, it is often exhausting going through daily life. When they open up to you about it, take the time to listen and validate their feelings, no matter how foreign it might sound to you.
Don’t know what to say? Try these phrases. We get it! It can be scary and feel inauthentic at first, but knowing what to say to validate someone’s experience with anxiety can be incredibly supportive. Here are some examples:
“I hear you, what can I do to help?”
“Take your time, I’m always here for you.”
“What do you need from me right now?”
“It’s okay to not be okay- you don’t have to be fine 100% of the time.”
“It’s not silly or dumb- it’s real, and that’s perfectly okay.”
“I love you- no matter what.”
Don’t tell them to calm down. It might feel instinctive when someone’s having an anxiety or panic attack to say, “Calm down.” However, this usually isn’t as helpful as you might think. Instead of calming down, your loved one might spiral faster because if they wanted to calm down, they would. The truth is, a lot of times anxiety will cause physical effects, such as elevated/shallow breathing, that can’t easily be calmed down by just being told to do so. This phrase can come off invalidating and cause your loved one to shut down.
Try practicing a coping skill with them. One of the most common ways to help someone cope in the moment is to use grounding techniques. This helps them redirect their focus on to the present moment by bringing attention to what is in their environment now. For example, you might try asking them to list the following:
5 things they can see.
4 things they can touch.
3 things they hear.
2 things they can smell.
1 thing they can taste.
Encourage them to get professional help. In all honesty, this might be the hardest one. For someone who experiences anxiety regularly, it’s possible that they are already receiving professional help- but it’s also possible that they are not. Therapy is a great way to process and heal from anxiety, but it’s not always easy recommending someone for it. Start by gently reminding them that you love them and will always support them, but it’s out of your area of expertise. You can’t be their counselor, but encouraging them to get professional help will send them to someone who is experienced in working with anxiety.
This list isn’t exhaustive, so there are plenty of additional ways to support them. However, it’s a good place to start as it provides a brief explanation of what each action could look like.
What if it’s not enough? What if it doesn’t work?
Remember, you’re not responsible for their anxiety, nor are you responsible for their healing process. It’s great that you want to support your loved one, but unfortunately, you can’t magically rid them of their anxiety completely by doing something from this list. However, it’s a great place to start in providing them with a safe space to be vulnerable with you!
growgood psychology has a team of therapists ready to help you process what supporting someone with anxiety is like.
In fact, we have a team of therapists ready to help on either end– whether you are the one that is supporting a loved one through their anxiety, or you know someone with anxiety that might benefit from getting professional help. There’s no shame in getting help and here at growgood psychology, we’re ready to walk with you as you process it all. Connect with us today to get started!