The Comparison Trap
How the practice of gratitude can help bring you back to your authentic self
“They are so much happier and more successful than I am.”
“My friend is always on the move. That is how I should strive to be.”
“I feel like everyone close to me has it together. Why don’t I?”
These statements of comparison may sound familiar and while social comparison is a common experience, it can be extremely harmful to our overall wellness. Comparison keeps alive this notion that there is a “correct” way to be human; skewing our perception of what messy, beautiful, mundane, real life looks like.
Surely, we are all aware of this, but the question to ask ourselves is could there be an explanation for this tendency we have to make comparisons between ourselves and others? If so, what can we do to stop it and protect our well being?
Why compare?
Well in part, you can’t help it. Measuring the self against others is an innate operation in our minds and when harnessed correctly, comparison can enable growth, motivation, and inspiration! However, comparison can also have a dark side, bringing about great psychological pain. Negatively influencing your self-belief, confidence, motivation, and even your attitudes. Instead of the desired effect, comparison can flip the narrative, leaving us to compare ourselves to an unrealistic standard.
The individuals we tend to compare ourselves to are those we most closely identify with or those within our inner circle; family members, friends, colleagues, neighbors, or maybe even teammates. The domains we value are what we tend to compare - appearance, wealth, professional achievement, relationships, and so on.
When you find you are comparing yourself to the aspirational events of others, you may begin to feel surges of envy or unhappiness.
“What must I be doing wrong?”
“I wish I was more like them.”
“Maybe if I just act more like them, I can get those things too.”
“If I just work harder, I can have what they have.”
These ruminations can cost you your individuality and wellness. Luckily, there are strategies that can help you forget comparison and embrace your authenticity.
What can I do to improve this way of thinking?
In your journey toward fulfillment and authenticity the practice of gratitude will be your greatest ally. We can’t ignore the evidence supporting the notion that focusing on gratitude can improve your overall quality of life. Here are some tips to help you incorporate gratitude into your life -
Keep a gratitude journal. Each day pick five things that you are grateful for. It can be anything! The weather, your bed, your dog, that burger you had a couple nights ago. The goal of this exercise is to recall a positive experience, person, event, or thing in your life!
Share your gratitude with others. We often take for granted the power of this simple act. Call a loved one, give thanks to workers, write a thank you note, share a meal with your friends or family. There are countless ways for you to express your gratitude with someone. You will start to find that your efforts will become contagious, creating space for like minded humans to join you in your endeavors.
Nurture your sense of self. In conjunction to practicing gratitude, taking the time and space to explore your sense of self will allow you to recognize your own unique qualities and protect your peace. The tips below can be used as a refresher. Check in with yourself to see what areas may need some extra love -
Boundaries. Your boundaries are who you are - containing your beliefs, ideas, feelings, and emotions. Make sure your boundaries represent the strong individual you are! Without them, others may begin to influence or dictate how you live your life.
Self awareness. It’s never a bad idea to check in on yourself here and there. Are you showing up as your true authentic self? Are you able to manage your emotions? Align your behavior with your values? Are you owning your strengths and weaknesses
Support. What are you doing during your free time? Consider whether the activities you are doing are supporting the inner you. Additionally, Are you surrounding yourself with individuals that contribute to your well-being? Support the person you are becoming?
Use these tips to grow into your authentic self! Start showing up for yourself through the practice of gratitude and watch as your satisfaction with life and self-esteem improve. When you start implementing small acts daily, it will become that much easier for you to embrace your unique qualities and authenticity. Don’t be too hard on yourself - the path to self improvement begins with self compassion.
growgood psychology has a team of therapists ready to walk with you as you embrace your authentic self.
Combating the pressures of society can feel extremely overwhelming. When met with support that is approachable and collaborative in nature, healing from comparison will feel much more attainable. This space welcomes you as you continue to grow into yourself through wholeness! You are in the driver's seat, Connect with us today to get started.