Motherhood
Reclaim your selfhood
We often view motherhood as a transformative and fulfilling experience - there is nothing more impactful, all- encompassing and life altering than this.
The statement above is in fact true - however it’s important for us to recognize that as beautiful as motherhood is, it can also be one of the most trifling times of a woman’s life.
Becoming a mother is a complete physical and psychological transformation - a transformation that a new mother can never fully prepare for.
The Conflicting Emotions of Motherhood
Society's message tends to be that new mothers should be full of bliss and enjoy each and every moment of their newborns - that mothers must be all- loving, ever available, and able to put their child’s needs first. The reality is that this perpetuates an unattainable standard of perfection - keeping mothers stuck in a cycle of low self-esteem, anxiety and burnout.
As a mom, you already have the innate desire to do right - buying the ‘right’ stuff, following the ‘right’ routine, doing the ‘right’ parenting. Society doesn’t need to further perpetuate how you should feel or act with a child - perfectionism rarely serves us the way we hope it will.
As you continue to navigate both your own and societal pressures to be perfect, you will also have to face and redefine your sense of identity and the way in which you know yourself.
Integrating your old and new identities can be an emotional rollercoaster - you may experience excitement, content, anxiety, guilt, isolation, love, anger.
These less than ideal feelings are part of your humanness - there is nothing in this world that has the power to make you feel happy all the time! Consider for a moment all that is on your plate -
Feedings
Diaper changes
Praying for sleep (for both you and your baby)
Shifting from a social to isolated lifestyle
Accepting a new body
Redefining who you are, your sense of self
Navigating the loss of control and freedom in your life
This only begins to graze the surface of what motherhood entails! It is important for you to understand that there will be a natural push and pull to motherhood - the feel good hormone, oxytocin, that compels you to bond with and take care of your baby and the natural ‘pull away’ as your mind considers your identity, emotions, career, friendships, and so on.
It is vital that you acknowledge these feelings - understand that they are normal and that giving yourself the opportunity to have an identity outside of being a mom, strengthens your ability to show up as your best self and gives your child room to develop their own identity too.
Rediscovering Selfhood
Once a child becomes part of your selfhood, it often feels like there is nothing to separate you from that identity - you lose sight of your inner artist, business woman, cook, etc.
No matter how much you love being a mom or are willing to sacrifice for your child, your identity and selfhood should not suffer - you can fulfill being a wonderful parent and also find time for everything else you’d like to be. This is obviously an incredibly difficult task and will take some trial and error to find what works best for you!
Try to remember that when you give yourself the time and energy to grow and evolve, your role as a parent will thrive as well. Here are 3 tips to help you embrace selfhood -
Create a plan. In the midst of postpartum you most likely have no idea where to even begin - take some time to discuss with your support group and work together to create a healthy balance of time and space for yourself. It may seem silly, but having others by your side to support you both mentally and physically will help you tremendously- consider what's important to you and make that a priority.
Find time for self care. Guilt will try to sneak its way in with this one, but you must put yourself at the top of your priority list - you still matter! It’s no secret that bringing a child into this world is, at times, all consuming, but with a game plan and some trial and error it’s possible for you to build a sound routine for yourself. Start by allocating 10-15 minutes at a time for - journaling, yoga, meditation, reading, anything that will provide you even the smallest bit of comfort and sense of self. As you get more comfortable, you can broaden your options and time allocated towards them.
Connect with others. Just because you are a mom doesn’t mean you need to rid yourself of connection - you need connection! Not only is it vital for your wellbeing, but it’s healthy for your children to see a mentally happy mother. Whether you are ready to leave your baby or not, there are still ways for you to find meaningful time with others - stay at home and cook a special dinner, have a movie night, bust out the board games, schedule regular ‘catch up’ calls with your people! If you are ready to leave the baby, attend mommy classes, schedule a coffee date, take a walk with friends. Get creative - this is for you!
Becoming a mother fundamentally changes you - that doesn’t mean we must give up parts of ourselves that bring us joy. Your identity is multifaceted - always evolving, growing, changing. You still exist and matter!
growgood psychology has a team of therapists ready to walk with you as you reclaim your selfhood. Whether you need guidance navigating all aspects of motherhood or are looking for support as you rediscover yourself, our therapists are here to support you. Connect with us today to begin a new path towards healing!