The Benefits of simply letting go

Naturally, as humans we have the tendency or desire for certainty and control - we strive for security, autonomy, and in most cases we’d like to have a say in the decisions that affect our lives. On the surface you may believe that control serves a positive and important purpose. It makes you feel as though you can shape events and outcomes to your liking - more control equals more success in achieving desired outcomes, and more success equals a happier human. Or so you’d think. 

Although 'control' is often encouraged and romanticized by our society and the structures within it, overtime it can be incredibly detrimental to your well being. The need to be in control can negatively impact your relationships, how you cope with loss and regret, your decision making, how you view yourself, and the list goes on. 

The relieving news is that there are ways to overcome the choke hold control has on your well being! Yes, releasing the illusion of control feels absolutely terrifying - it makes sense considering we use control as a way of creating a sense of safety as we attempt to manage the world around us. However, by understanding and embracing surrender, you can reconnect with yourself and live a more fulfilling and balanced life.

What is the ‘ illusion of control’?

By definition control has to do with one's ability to influence the behavior of others or the course of events -  this ‘ability’ may give you a sense of security and predictability. The ‘illusion of control’ is rooted in the belief that you have the ability to manage the unmanageable. Or in other words, you believe that you have more control over events and situations than you actually do. 

Despite life being inherently unpredictable, you likely plan your days meticulously, set goals, and work exceptionally hard to achieve them. And naturally when unexpected events, changes in circumstances, or the actions of others occur, it may leave you feeling incredibly derailed. Something doesn’t work out as you intended or imagined and as a consequence you get stressed, feel hurt, procrastinate, lash out, or may even feel depressed and anxious. 

The need to be in constant control is often linked to fear or a deep attachment to a specific outcome that we believe is best for us. For example, you might feel inclined to control others because you fear that they won’t behave the way you want them to. Or due to your attachment to specific outcomes, your quality of decision making may decline - when you overly control others or situations you are likely to push away those that contradict or disagree with your desired outcome, thus surrounding yourself with only those that are ‘indifferent’ or simply agree.  

Whatever role this illusion plays in your life, the relentless pursuit of control will trap you in a cycle of stress, anxiety, and a sense of perpetual overwhelm - The illusion of control leads you to believe that if you just try harder, plan better, or worry more, you can prevent negative outcomes. The truth, however, is that negative outcomes are simply a part of this wonderful life - the only way out of this exhausting cycle is to embrace the act of surrendering. 

How can the act of surrendering be good for me?

Letting go of control doesn't mean becoming passive or indifferent. Instead, it's about recognizing what we can influence and what we can't and allowing ourselves to simply let go - to fully embrace and accept ‘being’. Here are some key benefits of embracing the act of surrender - 

Reduced stress & anxiety. Believe it or not, when you stop trying to control every aspect of your life, the stress and pressure that you place on yourself alleviates significantly. At first ‘letting go’ may feel like an added stress solely because control is all you’ve ever known. Letting go means embracing vulnerability and that is a scary thing! However, when you actively surrender - accept that change and uncertainty are an inevitable part of life, you are giving yourself the opportunity to adapt & create space for more creativity and exploration. Enhanced Creativity & Growth. When stuck in the ‘control’ choke hold, your thinking is likely rigid - you may overanalyze, strive for perfection, struggle with adapting to change, have a difficult time accepting others or may even have trouble learning from your mistakes. Surrendering gives you all the potential in the world. When you’re not fixated on a specific outcome, you're more likely to explore, take risks, grow, and create! Improved Relationships. Whether it be with a loved one, a colleague, or a friend, releasing control in your interactions with others fosters trust, open communication, and the opportunity for growth and knowledge. Surrendering allows you to appreciate others for who they are, rather than trying to mold them to fit your expectations. You’d be surprised at the value that others can add to your life when you give them the opportunity to do so. 

How can I practice simply letting go?

Like most everything in life, embracing the ‘letting go’ is a gradual process that will require both practice and patience. Here are some strategies to help you get started - 

Mindfulness & Acceptance. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and focused on the current moment, rather than worrying about what’s happening next or dwelling on the past - it trains your mind to let go of unproductive thoughts and anxieties and instead embrace acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean resigning yourself to a situation, but rather acknowledging reality without resistance & with a sense of clarity. The wonderful thing about mindfulness is that it can be done at any point of the day - you can take 5 minutes to do breathing exercises or maybe you prefer to practice being present while you’re on a walk - do what makes you feel grounded and at ease.
Focus on the controllables. Identify the areas of your life where you do have influence and take purposeful action there - your reactions, attitudes, and receptiveness are all things that are in your control. When you find yourself in an internal battle with control ask yourself, ‘What is so scary about releasing control’? Are my fears real? Will things actually be ‘ruined’ or ‘bad’? Addressing the validity of your fears, can help you accept the reality of the situation you are attempting to control. You can also make a list of ‘controllables and uncontrollables’. For every uncontrollable on your list, come up with an alternative way that centers around taking responsibility for your one needs and passions - find ways to return home to yourself.    
Practice Gratitude. When something doesn’t go as planned or expected, gratitude can help shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. By appreciating the present moment and the positives in your life, you can diminish the desire to control every future or past outcome. With gratitude you can still hold the intentions of what you want, without the desire to force it to happen. There are endless ways to practice gratitude - perhaps you can keep a gratitude journal; notating gratitude for your loved ones, the little things, or maybe even the big things! 

Letting go of control is about finding balance, building trust in yourself and the universe, and understanding that you are equipped to handle whatever comes your way. By embracing the act of surrender, you can live a life that is less burdened by stress and more enriched by spontaneity, creativity, and joy! There will absolutely be times where you may need support - talking to friends, family, or a therapist can provide you with new perspectives and encourage you to take the necessary steps in your journey back to yourself. 

growgood psychology has a team of therapists ready to walk with you as you embrace the act of surrender. Whether you need guidance breaking free of the hold control can have or are looking for support as you begin to practice acceptance and realigning with yourself, our therapists are here to support you. Connect with us today to begin a new path towards healing!