How to shift your lens from
self-criticism to

self-compassion

Do you judge yourself for shortcomings? 
Criticize yourself for inadequacies?
Are you preoccupied with personal mistakes and failures?  
Having a hard time forgiving yourself? 
Isolating? 

Your tendency for bouts of self-criticism, perfectionism, or people pleasing may seem like second nature. Especially when these ‘conditions’ are deeply rooted in the patriarchal foundation. Societal pressures and expectations demand us to ‘be’ a certain way or ‘react’ like this or that. It’s not only exhausting, but also extremely detrimental to your overall wellbeing. 

The most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to acknowledge that these systems want you to feel this way, but you can change the narrative. 

The easiest way to defeat self-criticism is self-compassion. 

This much is true. Compassion for others is no different from compassion for yourself!

To be compassionate is to not only be aware of, but to ‘be with’ one’s suffering. You are no longer just a witness, but rather a part of the suffering, the pain. When you experience the act of compassion, it may lead you to realize that imperfection, misfortune, or failure is simply part of the human experience. That judgment for someone’s suffering or shortcomings does not exist. Rather understanding and kindness takes its place. 

If you are capable of acting compassionately towards others, what is stopping you from doing the same for yourself? 

What are the components of self-compassion? 

With self-compassion you are understanding, comforting, and kind to yourself with personal failings or difficult times. Through research scholars have come to find that three elements make up self compassion.  

• Kindness towards yourself. The reality is that at times you are going to fail, going to feel inadequate, going to have shortcomings. What matters in these moments is acceptance rather than criticism. Learning to accept this truth with kindness and comfort will help you remain composed in difficult situations.  

• The human experience. Do you ever irrationally feel like you are the ‘only’ one experiencing a difficult time or failure? There is no ‘we’ just ‘me’? Embracing self-compassion can help you recognize that the mistakes and shortcomings you once believed only happened to ‘you’ alone, are really a shared experience; the human experience.

• Mindfulness. To be self-compassionate is to be balanced.  Mindfulness allows you to be a judgment free observer of your thoughts and emotions; no ignoring, no over-analyzing, no denying. Just observing. This mindset will help you look at the bigger picture or larger perspective when you are experiencing a painful event.  

How can I attain self-compassion? 

With the elements of self-compassion in mind, you can apply different exercises to practice self-compassion. Take away the pressure of thinking you need to do these exercises a certain amount. The intention that you bring when you do the exercises is most important. 

• Self-compassion Journal. Sometimes we have really difficult days. Whether or not  journaling is an outlet for you, this exercise can be a great tool in helping you incorporate a self-compassionate lens. First, write down anything that felt particularly hard today. Then, for each event that you wrote about, use mindfulness, self-kindness, and humanity to help you process the events with more self-compassion. Acknowledge the hurt, ask yourself what you need to hear to feel better, remind yourself that you’re not alone. 

• Take a moment for self-compassion. If writing isn’t your cup of tea, you can practice acts of self-compassion out loud or simply in your head. Just like the journaling, you will choose an event that has caused you emotional stress or discomfort. Sit with this feeling and use the three elements of self compassion to address it.

“This feels painful.” 
“I am not alone in this suffering, this is part of the human experience.”
“May I be strong and forgive myself.” 

Treat yourself like a good friend. Take a moment to think about or write down a time that you showed compassion to a friend or family when they were suffering. What do you say to them? What tone do you use with them? Take that information and apply it to yourself. In painful situations how do you treat yourself? What tone do you use with yourself? What causes you to treat yourself so differently? Once you’ve processed through that, think about how things might change if you treated yourself with the same compassion as you treated others. 

It is important for you to remember that self-compassion is not self serving. Your emotional and physical well being is just as important as someone else's! Embracing self-compassion will inevitably help evolve other aspects of your life - your authenticity, your purpose, your values, your relationships, and so on.

Lastly, don’t you forget that compassion is a verb! Challenge yourself to not just feel, but to act compassionately.

How do you do compassion?

growgood psychology has a team of therapists ready to walk with you as you learn to embrace self compassion.
Overcoming self-criticism in this society is difficult. When met with support that is approachable and collaborative in nature, embracing self-compassion will feel much more attainable. This space welcomes you as you continue to grow into yourself through wholeness! You are in the driver's seat, Connect with us today to get started.