COmbating negative self-talk

“ I’m not enough.” 
“ I can’t do anything right.” 
“ I’m so dumb.” 
“ I don’t deserve to be happy.” 

These statements may be ones you’ve heard from others or ones you’ve once said to yourself. Although self-talk is something we all experience regularly, when it is driven by negative thoughts it can largely impact our self-esteem, behaviors, and overall quality of life.  

What is negative self-talk and what contributes to it? 
Negative self-talk is a form of self-criticism that is often involuntary. When these thoughts are recurring, they may lead to increased levels of stress, which in turn lowers your self-esteem. An example of negative self-talk could be that you are constantly focusing on what is wrong in every situation. 

Some contributors to negative self-talk could be the comparison to peers in social situations or even through social media. You may also experience dismissive comments from coaches, family members, friends, or teachers. 

What types of negative self-talk exist?

• Personalizing is one type of negative self-talk that can be described as blaming yourself when something occurs. For example, your team lost the championship game. You believe that the only reason they lost is because of something you did or didn’t do. There may have been several factors that contributed to the team’s loss, but you only acknowledge your part in it.

• Filtering or magnifying is when you take a given situation and remove all the positives. An example of this could be that you had a list of errands you wanted to complete before the end of the day. You completed the majority of your errands, but due to factors out of your control you couldn’t complete them all. Instead of recognizing all that you accomplished, all you see is what was left uncompleted. 

• Catastrophizing can be described as expecting the worst in every situation. For example, you miss your alarm clock and are now running late for work. Due to this singular event, you now believe that today is going to be the worst day of your life.

• Polarizing is a form of negative self-talk where there is no middle ground in the way that you think about a given situation. It is often referred to as black or white thinking. For example, you tell yourself that you have to get a perfect score on the exam or you are a complete failure.

What can I do to fix negative self-talk?
Here are 3 ways you can combat negative self -talk:

• 1. Recognize -  The first step to ridding negative thoughts is to become aware of when they are happening. Once you have that awareness you must understand why these thoughts are happening. Finding meaning in your triggers will help you form a self awareness that can help combat the negative self talk.

• 2. Challenge - Once you have recognized and are aware of when and why you are having negative thoughts, you can challenge the statements you are making. For example, if you say “ I can’t do anything right at work,” you can ask yourself what evidence there is to counter this belief. Examples of statements that counter negative beliefs are, “My boss acknowledged my achievements just last week” or “ I was given a pay raise at my 6 month review.” 

• 3.  Practice - Now that we have the tools of self awareness and the ability to challenge our thoughts, we can now practice positive self talk! This will look different for everyone. You may practice positive affirmations, such as “ I am enough”, “ I am growing”, or “ I am loved,” as well as exhibit self love by taking yourself out for lunch or going to do your favorite activities. Whatever it is you choose to do, practice doing it with empathy and love for yourself! 

growgood psychology has a team of therapists ready to support you as you begin to develop a healthier relationship with your thoughts. 
Combating negative self-talk can feel overwhelming as it is visible in many aspects of our lives. When met with the right support, the journey to developing self love and positive self - talk will feel much more attainable. Our team of therapists are ready to help you find the necessary tools to combat your negative thoughts. Connect with us today to get started!